El epíleg grandiós

The epilogue to my Spanish adventure takes place in Barcelona at the peak of tourist season; hundreds of sweaty young bodies looking for a party and, afterward, a place to crash. I'd come to Barcelona to visit an old friend—who was herself a houseguest and couldn't offer me a place to stay—and it was she who suggested I scour the Internet for a hostel. While browsing rooms on hostelworld.com, I quickly realized that failure to plan ahead can hit a traveler squarely in the wallet. The cheapest rate was 35 EUR a night (just over $50) more expensive than anything I'd paid thus far on my entire trip.

Left with no other recourse, I booked a four-night stay at an establishment called ABBA Youth Hostel. The place was a dive—dusty living quarters, grimy bathrooms and the stench of B.O. forever lingering in the air. The staff was unhelpful to the point of being rude. On my first night there, I did meet some nice English folks and we got a drink together, but overall I found the clientele a bit too seedy for my tastes. After a night on the town in one of Europe's premier party cities, people would lay in their bunks until the late afternoon, their hands hanging over the side of the bed like the place was a military hospital.

So when my friend reversed her initial reluctance to put me up, I jumped at the chance to get out of ABBA. There was just one problem: the irate hostel owner, a scruffy Arab, would prove a significant obstacle. Together, my friend and I concocted a surefire plan to get me out of my 5-day reservation, which I'd stupidly prepaid upon arrival. I'd tell the Arab there had been a death in the family that required me to return immediately to the States. It seemed a reasonable enough excuse, but relied heavily on empathy, which I soon found out was severely lacking in this specimen.

I returned to the hostel and informed him of my situation; he prompty refused to refund my money for the remaining three days I had planned to stay. I fought hard: when he told me reservations were non-refundable and that he couldn't find anyone to fill my spot, I told him there were people on the street dying for a place to sleep and that I'd gladly find someone to fill my space. He didn't back off one bit, and, faced with the choice of a prolonged battle over $150 or moving on with the trip, I chose the latter. So I picked up my bag, turned my back on the guy and walked out the door.

I stayed in Barcelona three more days. I tried hard to enjoy the city—its architectural wonders, culinary delights and seething nightlife—but found it largely overrated. I was also consumed with rage for my Arab hostelier. After returning to the US, I finally figured out a way to get back at him: by writing a scathing review on hostelworld.com. Here's what I wrote:

"Unless you're left with no other option, I urge you to avoid this hostel. First off, it was too pricey for what you get: run-down bunks and slovenly bathrooms. The staff was downright nasty. The manager is a control freak who speaks to all guests as if they were sworn enemies. I had an emergency and had to leave town early; he was unwilling to compromise on any sort of refund, even given the circumstances. I hope you who are reading this will seek out another location in Barcelona. Stay away from ABBA!"

To my surprise, I received an email six days later with the following message, with which I conclude my Spanish adventure:

"You had a reservation and a terms and condition for your reservation so between you and me have condition that I reserve a bed for whole stay in my hostel and you promise that spend your stay in my Hostel but if for any reason you leave the hostel I can’t refund anything because one of the condition can’t be broken .So the business is far of special treat between the friends and must be obey, as you obey with Bank contact and employee contract and every logic things in this world,

For illogic things look at the world so many wars for example Iraq war or in general Middle orient countries are crying for respect terms and condition of human beings you can find some politic name enemy there, but I am not sworn enemy form no one only I run a business that have terms and condition. And I am friendly with all that respect the contracts, so your problem or desire of your Interests for stay in another place can’t damage to my hostel. Because you ask impossible, so next time you choose *****Hotel."